I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That accounts for only three of the penises
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
