**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
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Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize