i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
