I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
