i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
