Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
