Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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