I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my phone needs a breathalizer
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
it hurts more in the daytime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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