I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
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