i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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