I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
