Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize