idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
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I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
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If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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