do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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