I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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