soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
