party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
