Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
