You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
