if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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