If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
