I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
