just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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