but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
