I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
