do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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