I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
