I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
