I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize