I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
