that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
