i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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