Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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