I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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