so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Damn victory sex feels great
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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