I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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