How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
