He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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