just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
