The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
