At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
