so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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