If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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