I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
