he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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