I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
