It's Friday. Sex?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
