Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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