apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Your penis caused this!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
