That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
