I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
