Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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