how do flat chested girls get laid?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
