Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize