I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
