I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
