My liver just broke up with me...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
