how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
