He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We smell like vodka and hangover
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