Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
