No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
