today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
