Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
