you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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