The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
