he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize